Leather and Lovers

I have a new lover. She is soft and fits me perfectly. She keeps me organized and makes me look kind of cool when she’s on my arm. There’s lots of places where I can hold her, and when I reach for her, she’s the perfect height. This is only my third lover. My first was killed in a steampipe explosion in NYC…covered by asbestos…died a horrible death. My second I still love, but I needed a change. This lover is different…she’s not perfect, she’s a bit classic, a bit rock and roll.

No I’m not a lesbian. And my lover is leather. My new bag. Thank you Michael Kors for crafting the perfect lover. You see, I am a bag snob. It takes me a long time to find love, but once I do, I’m loyal. For awhile. My lover has to be perfect. And she’s definitely female…after all, she has to understand my needs perfectly as we spend more time together than almost any other accessory. I don’t think any man will ever quite understand my love affair with my bag, or my need to be a serial lover on a semi-annual basis.

I spend a lot of time looking for her. Generally I find her in the spring and the fall when all the trendy new girls are coming out. She has to have “feet”…I tend to make her stand in some awkward places – the subway, under tables at restaurants, on the baseball field. And she has to have that perfect “look”…you know, she is just dressy enough without be overdressed, god forbid she’s frumpy, and she has to be able to hide a few extra pounds occasionally. She also needs a signature style that’s just her own. I never want to show up with my lover dressed the same as another lover. Ecccckkkkkk!

My lover is a reflection of how I want people to see me. I want her to be quality but not snooty. I don’t particularly want her to carry a big sign that she was someone else’s first …you know…like “Guess” tattooed across her chest. If she wants a little body art, it better be stylized and hip, like LV…we all know what it stands for but I can at least pretend it stands for Love…and it’s generally well stylized.

As I said, I’m a bag snob. I’m demanding of my lover. But I treat her well. And I will care for her in her old age. If you’re going to spend money on something, learn to love it. We all have way too much stuff. So why not think of your belongings like your loves. Better to have fewer, deeper, more passionate loves that never leave you, that you will treasure in your old age. They will remind you of great stories and entertain you with great memories long after they’ve finished their useful life. And when you think back on them, you will smile.

Gotta go clean my closet and put to rest my last love. Want to make sure she has a warm, clean place to rest. She served me well, and eventually I’m sure we will have a brief rendez vous in the future. After all, who doesn’t like to have “ex-sex” on occasion with a cherished past lover. Ciao,

Jules

p.s. Promise to post pictures of my ex's shortly.